So I started school again last night, and it was the weirdest feeling. I started out the evening in the bookstore, hearing a guy say, "Excuse me," from across the store and knowing my classmate's voice, Scott. I swear, the most distinctive voice anywhere. I say classmate, because I'm not sure a group project on breastfeeding and a shared desire to be nurses constitutes friendship, but it does allow you to get to know a person more quickly than you might think.

We walked up the classroom together, and it was then that I realized (wow, I have been watching too much sex and the city...Carrie SO overuses that phrase) that we were all the same people in this class. I guess I probably knew that in the back of my mind all along, but it's another thing to see it. Scott and I walked until we reached my row, then I said goodbye and said hello to Michelle and Karen. After catching up a bit and settiling in to class, I looked arond and realized everyone was sitting in the same places they did last semester. Partly comforting really, but also disturbing. Are we such sheep?? BAAAA!

The intro stuff was par for the course....paperwork, discussion of the nuts and bolts, the attempt to scare us into getting a tutor, or maybe just dropping out before we prove how stupid we really are. Whatever. Watch me ace this shit.

Our first lecture was intersting and gave a lot of intense moments. I realized that, weird as it may sound, the thing that most keeps me connected to Andy is this. School, and nursing. Talking about nursing with people who find they have a chronic illness or a family member has died, made me have a lot of memory moments. The nursing assisstant who hugged me outside the ICU when Andy coded. The nurse who talked to Andy about LOTR for hours when the movie first came out. The first nurse who showed me how to use a yankauer to suction his mouth so I could be involved. The first nurse who asked me how I was doing when I came in for my overnight watch. Those people made an indelible mark on my life, and they probably don't even know it. That's who I want to be. It isn't always easy to be your ideal self when working, which I realize now as a TMA. But my most sincere hope in becoming a nurse is that I will daily remember what it was like to be on the other side, and act accordingly.