I have too many friends. I realize that that sentence sounds stupid, and possibly flippant, and probably even conceited. I really don't mean it that way. The real core of the issue is that I am a seriously blessed person. I have been lucky enough to meet a whole lot of really neat people in my life, and the great majority of them are really worth keeping in touch with. However, I can't seem to do that.

Some of my friends also suck at keeping in touch as much as I do. That sometimes assauges my guilt a little, as I an say to myself, "Well, that person hasn't called me in six months either." That doesn't really solve the problem though, because there's always the gnawing possibility that they may have stopped calling because they are angry with me for never calling. Irrational, probably, but so am I.

But the really bothersome times are when I know that a friend who is actually fairly good at these things has been trying to get a hold of me and has been unsuccessful. Then I really feel like scum.

I really am a busy person. And in some ways I like that. And I don't mean to use it as an excuse; it's just reality. I work nine days every two weeks. That may not seem like a lot, but when two of those are every other weekend, it gets weird. Then I have school four nights a week. My number one priority after all that, and I'm just being honest here, is to spend as much time as possible with Noah. I won't spend a lot of time here on how crazy in love I am, and how much I miss him when we are apart, but it's all true. And his schedule is crazy too, what with three jobs and school, so it takes some doing to find even half as much time together as we really need.

After that, there's homework, sleep, personal relaxation time, almost in that order.

I haven't even gotten to e-mail and phone calls and journal writing, and all my personal projects. That's not to say these things are not priorities. Let's be honest, I'd rather do all that than work every day, but then I wouldn't be able to afford it. And it's even hard with friends who live close enough to spend time with. I haven't done that in at least two weeks.

Sometimes I feel like my life just barrels along by itself and I have no control. The other night, Noah and I talked for about two hours or so (and we have been waiting a while to do that) and we ended up talking about religion/spirituality, etc.. It was a good talk, amazing really, and I explained to him a lot of the things that I believe. But I also realized that it has been quite a long time since I've had time to focus on that part of my life, and I hate that. It's super important to me, or so I've always thought. How important can something be if I can't find the time for it?

But my friends are truly important to me. There was a time in my life when my friends were the focus of my every day (sometimes to the exclusion of other important things, like classes), and in a way I miss that time. But now I have all these other things to do. So if you are one the friends that read this, please know that I miss you, and I think of you, and hopefully soon we will connect.