"Where to start - if only I could start from all sides at once without feeling as though every word has too many letters, takes up too much time."

That's a quote from the book I'm reading, and I think it is perfectly appropriate for how I feel about writing this entry. There is too much to say, too much that I feel. So strap yourself in, it's going to be a long and bumpy ride.

This past weekend I attended my 8th Tau formal. That's really no accomplishment, but I'm proud nonetheless. The whole weekend was amazing, and I have to say that it was definitely one of my favorite formals, over all. I think it makes a difference that I don't live there anymore, because it feels so much more intense to suddenly be surrounded by so many friends. And there were parts I didn't like (little things, like the nazi at the door), but overall, it was an incredible night. All weekend, actually.

It was fun to be there for activation. I got to see Nages, and Lexi, and I had a really bizarre and probably unproductive but definitely interesting conversation with Paul. It was almost like the way Paul and I used to talk...but I didn't walk on any eggshells for him like I used to.

There was also Bohemian Rhapsody that night, and I cried again. I feel so stupid about that, everytime. I saw Hans sitting it out, and I won't pretend to know what he was thinking, but I was paranoid. Anyway, I went outside to calm down, and was followed by Lexi and Brenda and Nages. And they all rock. We talked...about Andy, about ourselves, about Tau. It was good stuff. It makes me feel so good to know that I am not the only one who misses him as much as I do. Brenda talked about how he gave her her first shot, and I told her I always thought it was cool that they clicked so well. But they all love Noah too, and that is amazing. Lexi said he loves me, and you can see it in his eyes. I thought that was damn cool, and also interesting because Shannon had just said that he got all goofy when he looks at me. I was giddy.

I also got to hang a bit with Dan and KC that night, and learn of their incredible November plan, of which I am extremely jealous.

Saturday was super relaxing, which I needed. I got to be a bum with Josh and Jaime and Noah, which I always like. Although perhaps there is such a thing as too much of a good thing, if the good thing is Beavis and Butthead episodes on DVD. :)

I was glad that I decided not to do the formal dinner thing, Dos Gringos was so much more fun. I like Jen's friends, and it was cool to just eat crazy food and drink margaritas without having to worry about being all "formal." We had fun.

Sarah and Vin gave me monkey socks as a present. That was damn cool, and really a surprise. You two totally made me smile. The problem is, I got really drunk that night and when I woke up I couldn't find them (perhaps putting them in my pocket wasn't such a good idea). So if anyone comes across them, PLEASE let me know. I would hate to have wasted such a nice gift.

I saw so many cool people. Some already mentioned. Pat showed up, which kicked ass. I'm going to get to hang out with him and Rachel again soon, because they are moving to the Twin Cities!! YAY!! And I had great moments with a lot of my friends. Drew, and that was overdue. Shannon, and I'm sorry, but also elated that you put me in that category. Vin and Pete, thanks for showing me the pictures. Erin, I hope I made you believe me, and there are no regrets. Tric, I'm glad you felt that I love you, because I do. Nages, although not my moment, I am grateful. Brenda, I meant what I said, all of it, and I love you. Jake, I'm glad you were there...you are always the best. Hobbes, I'm sure my hat cost less than your tie...it's at Josh's house. Jen, tell K and K they are cool! And thank you for being so damn cool all the time, for helping me and being someone I can look up to. Dan, you are adorable. I'm sorry if you were sick. :) KC, you are always so fun, and so real. Josh, I'm happy we are always friends. Jaime, there are no words to describe what you mean to me. Wej, you are more than I thought you were.

I could go on forever.

There was a second Bohemian Rhapsody. I didn't cry. I told Noah to put his head down, eyes closed for a minute, then open and look up at everyone. I think he got it. So I didn't cry, and I shared that moment with Pete and Vin, and it felt good. They were right for that. Anyway, sharing made it real, and then I did cry, but not for the same reasons. I was hugging Pete and Vin, and it almost started, then Noah came to get me because they were playing Always by Bon Jovi and he thought it was perfect for us to dance to that right after Bohemian Rhapsody, and that made me cry more. But I was happy, and I was laughing too. He makes me so happy, and i have such amazing friends...it was intense for a while. After the group feeling we had had, Noah and I lost everyone for that song. Then Jaime came up to Noah and I right at the end of the song, and that was perfect too.

Then I headed over to Jen and leaked on her, and said some things that probably embarrassed her. She said they did, but they needed to be said. She is awesome and brilliant and talented and fun and gorgeous...and I just love her!!

After that, I really was quite drunk. Noah played my social director for a while. "You still need to get that drink with Jen, Erin is sad in the bathroom, and Shannon's been waiting to talk to you at the bar." Something like that. He rocks.

There was an Andy shot. I told the bartender why. I didn't even have to organize it. A lot of people asked me about it, but I think it came down to Ken, and possibly Hobbes. I told everyone to think of him, and twice if they puked. Eloquence was beyond me at that point. But I saw an unlikely person smile at that. And although I wasn't eloquent, I was grateful. Beyond words. It feels good to see that happen.

Okay, this is long as hell, and probably really boring for anyone who isn't me. But the most amazing part has yet to be mentioned. I talked to Bryan. We talked. And I talked to his girlfriend. I like her. I think she's good for him. I think being drunk made me brave, but in the wrong way at first. I was mean, and I'm sorry. But that made me go over the edge, and then I had no choice but to try. Thanks with all my might to Wej, I can't believe you let me slobber on you like that. And Noah helped out with this one too, although I didn't know that at the time. I don't know what it will be like. I am realizing only now that we barely know each other anymore. But I'd like to fix that. This feels better, definitely.

And by the way, I know I have a wimpy monkey, You can all kiss my butt. But I did get the craze going, didn't I?? :)

Last, but not least....Thanks and love and everything I have to Noah. He has managed to see what I see in all of you, and I think it is mostly mutual. And he understands, and he takes care of me, and this weekend was ten million times more incredible because I got to share it with him.

Amen and all that. Signing off...finally.