So I went to see The Twin Towers last night, after waiting so long with bated breath, and it SUCKED MONKEYS!! No, it wasn't good enough for that. It sucked pond scum. Through a straw. After I was already feeling annoyed, I looked at Noah's watch and I had TWO HOURS left. I suffered. I'm not even sure I can list all this things I hated about it, but I'll give it a try.

Let's start with what was there that shouldn't have been.

1. Arwen doesn't exist. In the first movie she was created by combining three characters, or rather two and a thought of another one. Why this was done in the first place, I'll never know. But wasting twenty minutes of screen time with her pissed me off.

2. Elrond, Galadriel, and their little communication moment was not in the book.

3. There were no elves at Helm's Deep. I can see that some people might be into the idea of helping them out. But they're Tolkien's elves, he didn't put them there, so why would Jackson.

(By the way, I have nothing against elves. I like them a lot, actually. But these things didn't happen.)

4. There was no attack of Orc on Wolves before they reached Helm's Deep. And at no point did Aragorn get lost in the entirety of the book.

5. Eowen did not go to Helm's deep, because she was left behind to rule until the King returned.

6. Sam and Frodo never fought once, and certainly not twice.

7. Faramir never wanted the ring. He is not a sinister copy of Boromir. He understood what Boromir had done, and knew not to take that road. He was distrustful of the Hobbits at first, but once he understood their story he was more than willing to help them. And he never took them to his father.

Okay, things that weren't there or didn't happen that should have.

1. While the elves were not at Helm's Deep, the Ents did make an appearance.

2. Umm.. how about the rest of the book? It doesn't end at Helm's deep, and it it doesn't end with Frodo facing off a Nazgul. That part doesn't happen, actually. Maybe there was no time to finish the book after all the stupidity was added.

3. Merry and Pippin got way less time than they got in the book, and definitely less than they they deserved. Although I agree with Warren that they did a lot of growing up in the book and were much more characterized, and I liked that, but the movie did not show how it really happened. First of all, Merry was much more clever throughout the hostage situation than it looked. And there was no yelling at the Ents, because there decision was to get involved. What was the point of having them say no and then getting Hobbitts amd, when it was done quite effectively in the book? And they had more neat parts for Merry and Pippin, but they got cut with the rest of the second half of the book.

Anything else? Oh yeah...

I loved the Ents. And while the make-up was good, I felt cheated on every other detail of the movie Ents.

Also, there were a lot of funny lines. Gimli and LEgoals and everyone said funny things. Eighty percent of the things that made people laugh in the theater were not actually from the book. Why is that necessary?

I just don't understand how one can have a budget that big (and money goes three times as far in New Zealand), such a long filming time, an amazing cast, and supposedly such a love of Tolkien's work, and come up with such a piece of crap. I know that sometimes things have to be cut or shortened when making a movie from a book. But you could keep more in if you didn't create your own stuff. And why change how things happen. This is not a hack writer we're talking about here. It was written amazingly to begin with. Leave it alone!

I gave the first one a B-, and I think that was fair. This one had the same great scenery and costumes and makeup and all that, but it fails big time. And if I was grading on a scale, Two Towers would would bump Fellowship into a big A++.