I went to college town last night to hang out with some of my friends for the night. It was a split second decision, and in retrospect, it may have been a bad one.

I got to see Del and Jon and that was cool, since I'll see them tonight too. But I think I said and did something that hurt her and I feel like absolute shit about it. I didn't mean to put her in that position and I apologize. It'll never happen again.

See, I think Del is so much more positive a person than I am. She never seems to dislike anybody and I always feel so fucking evil when I say negative things around her. Or do negative things.

On top of that, I started feeling sentimental, which always happens. And it's so true (painfully so) that you can't go home again. (But you can go to ShopMart...or whatever Cusack says). Anyway, I miss the life I had then, but it's not there anymore. People move on, you know? And I'm no good at changing, I never have been. I'm a creature of habit, which makes those visits difficult.

It's also hard being friends with Jess and Patti at the same time. They have serious issues and I don't know how to fix it, but I want to like them both. It sucks.