So I'm at work, but I'm off the clock, and therefore need feel no guilt for updatin gthis now. Not that I ever do... I'm catching a ride home from a coworker who doesn't leave until five, I usually leave between 4 and 4:30, so I have some time. Not that you needed to know all that.

I am so overdue on an entry all about Kellie and how much she rocks. Also, I was reminded recently, and it's true, that I should do an entry all on Dave (here on out to be referred to as Homer so as not to confuse him with Hummer), but I know don't know if that's a safe idea. Alex and Liisa I could do, but Homer should happen first, for a million reasons. So I guess I won't do any of those things today, but at least I mentioned all of them, so they will know I love them. Homer, by the way, you are the only Codder to know about this, so feel special.

I have major jitters today. For about the last two months I have learned to live with jitters, as the imminent presence of Noah tends to do that to me ever since the moment I met him. However, these are different jitters altogether. Life jitters, I guess. The thing is, although it seems that my life has suddenly become perfectly placed and planned, that's not necessarily true. I have a job, yes, that will most likely turn into a permanent position of some kind or another. That's all cool, and I really could care less about that right now because I am SO EXCITED to go home for a month and see all my homies. So anything that happens after that jobwise seems unimportant. And I know that I want to be with Noah, so you'd think there'd beno worries on the love front. However, there are jitter issues in the what do I REALLY want to do with my life subsection, and that includes geography, unfortunately.

Here are some possible courses of action:

1. Go to grad school for philosophy, with a view towards teaching undergrads. (That's a Mondadori phrase! Go me!)

2. Go to grad school for English, similar results.

3. Get a teaching license and teach high school English

4. Get a teaching license and make a valiant effort to find a private school or something that would let me teach philosophy at high school level.

5. Teach high school English and attempt to make it philosophically significant and make them more into ot when they get to undergrad.

6. Forget school for a while and work on moving up in the medical staffing field, or something similar.

7. Start looking for a job in an English related field, like editing or publishing, which I have also had a lot of interest in over the years.

Yeah. That's the major list. We'll leave the rest off for now, as almost all the others can be done in conjunction with one of these. Sick, isn't it? Would it be better to be one of those people who only has one passion, if any, and therefore has a clear course?

Noah and I had a hard core talk about all this stuff last night. He's convinced that I would be great at any of them, which feels nice, but doesn't help. And I know that he is trying to help, so I'm not criticizing. I just wish someone would give me a clear cut answer. I'm such a wimp.

Anyway, I had a great weekend. Saturday was all chill, and I spent most of the day rearranging stuff in the apartment. Between Friday and Saturday night Noah and I had tons of hours of couple chill time, which was nice. Sunday we went to see his parents, which rocked. We sat on the cliff and watched eagles fly by all day and talked. His mom made a yummy lunch, and then we just had grilled cheese sandwiches and mocha malts for dinner. I love his parents, they are so cool. Noah's mom told her friend that I was a keeper. That's funny.

Then we went to see Eric and Kathleen, which burst my bubble, because they rained on Noah's grad school parade and it made me angry. What's funny is that my anger at them caused me to also say some things that hurt Noah's feelings, which is dumb. We worked it out.

So we ended up also talking about the whole can I happily continue to live awa from my family and friends at home thing. I'm so sick of that conversation...I had it a million times with Andy, and now with Noah. And I wish I didn't have to have that issue. Because I know that Noah really wants me to be happy, but he also really wants to be here, and I feel guilty that he has to think of this issue at all. I told him last night that I had already made the decision...I mean, I'm coming back here for at least a year, right? But he said I could still change my mind. I think he's scared that I will after our trip out East. I'm scared too.