I cannot believe that the first week of December is almost over. I am really not feeling the Christmas vibe. Not that I'm all Scroogy or something, I just haven't felt like Christmas yet. I'm all excited that it's my first Christmas with Noah, and I think it will be great. He said he's already bought a bunch of presents for me, so I am so behind. I haven't bought anything for anybody yet. I really suck at the present-giving thing. But regardless, I am excited for us to shre our first Christmas together. We're going to decorate the apartment and other such festive things, so that's neat.

But it's also my first Christmas without Andy, and it's starting to mess with my head. Last Christmas was so bizarre, what with him being in the hospital and such. We didn't celebrate until January 3, because he was unconscious through New Year's. And I had so much fun buying him presents...I was thinking that he would get twice the presents because he wasn't able to shop for me, and the thought of buying all kinds of presents was more exciting than the thought of getting them. But it turns out that he had given his mom a list for me. Always thinking of me, even in that gd hospital bed. He couldn't talk when we opened the presents, but his facial expressions were priceless. He even cried when I gave him the man in the moon that I had painted for him, which made me feel so good. We opened all the presents right in a row, and then we had to clear them all out of the room and let him get back in bed because it had tired him out so much. It might have been Janiary 3, but it still felt like Christmas day to me when I was sitting with him that afternoon. I didn't know then that I only had twenty-two days left, and that he would not even be concious for most of them. I didn't know that those would be some of the last conversations we ever had, when I didn't even get to hear his voice. I loved his voice, and I've missed it for longer than I've had to miss him.